Everything you want

You might have heard the quote “Everything you want is on the other side of fear”. I think there’s a lot of truth to this—every time I’ve had a major obstacle or issue in my life, it was usually because I was afraid of doing what needed to be done.

This is pretty obvious if you think about it—must of your life is spent within a “comfort zone” of habitual action. If you want a different life, the key is to break out of that zone.

The interesting thing is that this can be used as a heuristic: By working backwards from what you’re not doing out of fear or discomfort, you can work out what actions might significantly improve your results. Put another way, it’s unlikely that you’ll see radical improvements by doing more of what you’re already doing; instead, look at what you’re avoiding and try to do that instead.

For example, let’s say you’re a shy guy who wants to improve your dating success. You could stay in your comfort zone and go to the gym to build up your physique, or you could go outside your comfort zone and practice talking to strangers. One week of practicing social skills will probably yield better results than one year of going to the gym.

Think of life as a forest; if you walk a certain route for long enough, it will turn into a path. Walking along the path becomes comfortable; the ground is smooth and there are no dangers lurking in the shadows. But if you keep following the same path, you’ll always end up in the same place.